Stab Taxi
by blue pikmin-chan
Summary: On a boring car trip, Bel re-invents a classic and slightly violent children's pastime, Varia style.


Varia car trips were Fran's least favourite part of the job. Generally, he would put in earphones and try to ignore them but Squalo had gotten angry and thrown his iPod out the window. Apparently, he could hear the music and it sucked. Still, it was a bit of an over-reaction. Fran had quite liked that iPod.

Right now, he was wedged between the car door and Belphegor. At least he had a window. Unfortunately, his face was squished up against it and had been for the past two hours. Bel seemed to like making everyone around him as uncomfortable as possible and, of course it was necessary for Levi to keep all his umbrellas strapped to his back. He said they might get squashed if they were in the boot.

Squalo and Xanxus sat in the front, He, Bel and Levi were in the back, and Lussuria had taken the other car. Nobody wanted to go with him since he insisted on stopping to take photos or touch up his hair at least three times an hour. They would rather be squashed. When they normally stopped for food, they would get meat pies or something similar but Lussuria insisted on low-fat options like salad. Nothing more exciting than a limp salad with no dressing when you're starving.

"The prince is bored," whined Bel. "And I'm being poked by an umbrella."

"Too bad senpai. I'm so comfortable I could go to sleep here," said Fran sarcastically, still squashed against the window.

"Both of you shut up!" yelled Squalo. He had a headache and felt slightly carsick. Long journeys really weren't his favourite.

"Ushishishi, Froggy, the prince has an idea. Let's play I-spy."

"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with I," said Fran in his trademark monotone.

"Idiot?" asked Bel, pointing to Levi, who had fallen asleep and was snoring loudly.

"Nope, but you're on the right track."

After several guesses, Bel still hadn't gotten it. "The prince gives up," he said.

"Imbecile," said Fran poking Bel. He was stabbed for that one. His senpai was mean.

"Ushishishi, the prince has a better idea. Let's play stab taxi."

Fran wasn't sure whether he wanted to know what stab taxi was. Still, he had to ask. "Stab taxi?"

"Every time you see a taxi, you stab the other person while yelling out stab taxi."

Fran was certain this wasn't going to be a fair game. Plus he was pretty sure it was actually called slap taxi. His thoughts were interrupted by a stinging pain in his hand and a shout of stab taxi.

He looked out the window and sure enough, a taxi was driving past. Bel was looking out the window on Levi's side and didn't notice a taxi passing on Fran's. "Stab taxi!" he yelled before realising he couldn't actually stab his senpai. Damn. He was sure Bel had planned it that way.

There were an unusual number of taxis passing that day. Maybe Bel had planned that too. He was definitely evil enough. They were passing through a small town at the time. "Stab taxi!" yelled Bel again, stabbing Fran in the arm.

"Senpai, that really hurts. That was just a yellow car anyway."

"Ushishishi, the prince says it was a taxi so it was."

"Sure senpai, whatever you say," he said, the monotone returning to his voice. They were interrupted by Squalo being sick out the car window. "Eww Squalo. That was really gross," muttered Fran under his breath.

"That's it. I'm sick of you two," yelled Squalo. "Get out." He opened the car door and waved his sword in their faces. "You can walk there!" he yelled out the window as the car drove off.

"I blame you senpai," said Fran glaring.

"It's your fault Froggy."

They stood glaring at each other for ten minutes until a taxi passed them. "Stab taxi!" yelled Bel stabbing Fran in the other arm.

A car pulled up beside them. "Oh! Fran, Bel!" called a girly voice. "Hop in!" They turned around to see Lussuria. Could this day get worse? They reluctantly accepted and got into the car.

A little later, they stopped for lunch. In the last hour, they had stopped eleven times, not that Fran had been counting, to look at everything from landmarks to clothes shops. They went into a little café to order some food. Fran's stomach grumbled. He looked through the menu, his mouth watering at all the delicious looking food.

"No need for that," said Lussuria taking the menu. "I've already ordered lunch for all of us."

"Why? Peasants shouldn't choose food for a prince," said Bel.

"Well," said Lussuria. "You've both been looking a little on the chubby side lately. "Oh! The food's here!"

A waiter put a plate on the table. There was a mushy carrot and some greens.

Fran was wrong before. That was nothing compared to this, this monstrosity. Plus Lussuria was wrong. He wasn't fat. He hoped.


End file.
